Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
