also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
