she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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