he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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