Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
