I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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