This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize