I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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