The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
