I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Randomize
