a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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