It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
