dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
no, he came in my armpit
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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