dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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