It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
