You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
