Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
