Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
