every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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