my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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