question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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