took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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