Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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