I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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