Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
