Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize