apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
