I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
