Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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