Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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