What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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