You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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