I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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