So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
