My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
