I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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