Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
