bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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