If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
