Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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