Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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