help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
