I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
