There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
