I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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