In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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