arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
