Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
