didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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