Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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