I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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