I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
