just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
