I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
