I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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