that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
