so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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