Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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