If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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