Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
