Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
