I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
two words...techno handjob
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
