I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
