hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
