barbara walters just said penis...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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