They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
