I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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