hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
